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Podcast 40: 9 Ways to get Unstuck when you Feel Hurt or Betrayed and Can’t Forgive

Hurt to Acceptance Using the Sedona Method

Podcast (Audio Only)

9 ways to get unstuck when you feel hurt, betrayal or overwhelmed.

Summary:

  1. How to Change your focus from hurt to happiness.
  2. Focus on what you want next in your life to move on
  3. Focus on a lesson learned to not repeat again.
  4. How could be better off from experiencing this?
  5. Use your Intention for the Long term instead of on the short term
  6. Don’t blame anyone or yourself- Take responsibility!

In my counseling practice I am seeing more clients feeling overwhelmed, from all the things happening this year.  Some may not have not had the emotional energy to grieve their losses.  So, we are holding on to more unhealthy feelings than we need to.  

One of my clients came to me and told me she felt that her sister had really hurt her badly over a co-friend situation and the sister choice the friend over her. There has been a rift, or strain since.  This has been 5 years now. Covid has made it feel like it was time to come back together as a family, but her sister really didn’t seem to care about coming back together.  So we will talk about ways this sister, we call her Clara, might find some relief.

9 ways to let go and get out of feeling Stuck.

-Ask-Do you REALLY want to change this situation and or ready to Repair the Relationship? or are you enjoying the blaming and pointing outside of yourself?  This is the 1st step you Must ask. If you must really want to change this situation Or you won’t. Period.  It is always Your choice.

1.Notice what you are focused on with your own thoughts in this situation without blaming the other?

Are you continual focused on how the person hurt you, revenge thoughts, hate or destructive feelings?

Or are you focused on solutions to repair, understand, willing to forgive or let go?  Only you can answer this.

This client, Clara, did decide to let go of the hurt and betrayal she was feeling but didn’t’ know she could affect this, herself. If her sister wasn’t part of it.

Sometimes in therapy, or in couples therapy, even if just one person coming to the session, can change the dynamic, because THEY let go and then they can move forward and feel better about the situation themselves  or they look at this situation differently and they make themselves feel better about it, so they act differently to the other person and It even seems to change the dynamics in the relationship, when one person feels happy and has let this go of the issue. Even if the other person never does.  

  1. Increase your focus on what it is that you actual want as the outcome, instead of what you are mad about or being RIGHT? Write down what you want to happen as a solution.

This client Clara just wants to feel better about her sister.

  1. Feel where in your body you feel this when you talk about the situation?

Sit with it for a time and feel it and let is wash over you until it is gone.  Get up walk around, shake it off and then feel it in the body again. It is amazing when we just take a moment to feel something, we can let it go.

  1. Write out what you are stuck on with the person- Are you still hating the way that person speaks about you? Write out what you feel you are stuck on and write a new ending to this story how you wish it had ended (no one will know any ways, it’s your story)
  2. Is this feeling or situation within your control to change?  If this decision IS within your control:

Do you think the situation with Clara is under her control or not? Most might say no.

Consciously choose a new way to look at the situation, maybe from their viewpoint, choose a new scenario of why this happened.

If this issue doesn’t feel within your control-Put it UNDER your control

Take your power back from whomever you gave it too.  Understand that you had to play a part- even unknowingly or even if you were too young to understand. Maybe you could not do it then, but you can take your power back now.

Take 100% responsibility and No blaming anyone or yourself for this happening and that puts it back under your control to change the outcome.

Clara didn’t feel it was within her control, but as we talked about it, she could put it under her own control, by deciding to feel happy no matter what.   Stop blaming her sister and stop writing negative things on social media about her to friends.  That can stop the progress of more hurt feelings.

  1. Let Go -Now to be freed from the effects of this issue and this person. I know it is- Simple to say- maybe not Simple to do but when you are ready to let go. You will decide too, and the way will come clearer, how to resolve it.

Many times, The other person may not even know they hurt you.  Don’t waste any more emotional energy or pain on them.  Its time to let it go.

7.Here is a simple easy method you can try right now.

The Sedona Method- developed by Virginia Lloyd- Ask these 3 questions?

  1. Could I Let go? Of course, you could let go-If you choice too.
  2. Will I let go- this is the big ask?? If not why not? If you can’t figure this out by yourself then it is therapy time to ask for help. Please reach out, we can refer you to someone of maybe you want a session with Joanne to work this out.
  3. When will I let go? Right NOW!

If the feeling returns, because they might,  just ask. Could I let go?  Would I let go? When?  Until it does.

  1. You can send vibs of happiness and joy to that person that hurt you, no one needs to know. As a blessing of happiness for yourself, because you will feeling better for doing it it. No matter what someone does to you, you can send this love. Then this is under your control and you will feel better for doing it.
  2. Choose to feel good no matter what, Show happiness about your life, that is the best revenge of all. Being happy no matter what.

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it. Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911

See other podcasts at AnxietySimplified.net

Remember to use and practice the skill we shared today, to feel the Joys of life. And go to our website anxietysimplified.net for more on how to get certified for an Emotional Support or Psychiatric Service Dog today at ESApros.com   Remember to Share the Love.

Podcast 39: Why your 50s can be your Most Dangerous Decade

How your Children can be Part of the Problem

Podcast (Audio Only)

Why if you can live to 60 years old then statistically you can live to 80 years old.

Joanne Williams discusses

Summary of today: How having Emotional Intelligent or Emotional Quotient can help you live longer.

  1. What are the factors in living through your 50’s healthfully?
  2. EQ or EI what is Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence
  3. My new theory on why living through your 50’s can be especially hard.
  4. 3 things you can do to live a happier life in your 50’s if you start now.

Question of the day is: How are the Habits you form today going to help you tomorrow and beyond.

I noticed something this week that I thought I would share today to help you survive through your 50’s.  I had read an insurance statistic that if you can live to 60 years old you have a much higher statistical possibility you will live to 80 years old.

I had 2 professional colleagues die this year. One a 51-year-old Counselor and a 59 yo mentor.

That made me really think about a syndrome that I have seen now in family friends that I am witnessing that many are dying in their 50’s. And I think it may be from disillusionment, that without meeting the many expectation of family life, career expectation they are giving up on life, because they have not reached the goals that they felt they should have met.

Not to mention a global pandemic adding another level of financial and health stressors or the possibility of losing their homes in their 50s could be financial devastating. According to this article by By LIZ WESTON of NerdWallet 

"If the economy tanks, 50 year olds are the first to go," according to les Weinstock. "Staying current in your field is really important."

And Weinstock recommends that you could ask younger co-workers to help you stay up-to-date with the latest technologies used by your office, for example.  To stay relevant.

"This is a great way for you to learn from someone else and to build more relationships," Weinstock says. Which is key for several reason.

And when it comes to relationships, more is better. Weinstock urges older workers to keep growing their networks, since most new jobs are found through someone you know.

Losing a job is almost always traumatic. In your 50s, job loss can be devastating -- and devastatingly common. He says to;

SAVE MORE, SAVE EARLIER, BORROW LESS

Many people find their ability to save is hampered by the amount of debt they have. Federal Reserve statistics show that households headed by people 45 to 54 years old owed more than twice as much in 2016 as similar households in 1989. There is a big stressor to avoid.

WEAN THE KIDS I will talk more about this in the 3 things you can do to stay happier.

Many parents provide their adult children with some financial support, and it's typically for household expenses rather than emergencies.

I see these as whether you are either accumulating healthy daily habits that will sustain you in hard times or will hold you back.

As I wondered about this new syndrome of dying in your 50’s, I looked at actually five close people, in my life who died, and all were in that 50 yo range.

The 2 close colleague and mentor who died this year were 51 and 59. One died unexpectedly of heart issues and one of breast cancer without telling a soul.

It really made me think that there really is something here, and I suspect disillusionment or depression as part of the emotional components of these deaths, that they may have giving up on being able to keep up with the expectations of life with more pressures.      or Their tendencies own tendency to put pressures on themselves.

Maybe they're overachievers and they're not achieving like they used to. And I think the scariest part of the most misleading part is they appeared very happy.

 I think a lot of times the jolliest of friends or family are the ones we should put more attention on. They seem the happiest, they are sometimes feeling sadness inside and are covering it up with their laughs. And they do fool us. So, we don’t see their sadness, we do not notice them.

I think part of this is denial. Maybe on our part too, but on their part of what's going on or avoidance might even be a better word for this.

I see that If we are not creating good daily habits to sustain our happiness, then it can go the other direction with stress or increased pressers as we age.

Or maybe it is low Emotional Quote EQ or emotional intelligence, EI which is defined as the capability to recognize your own emotions, and those of others and discern between different feelings, and abilities to use emotional information to guide your thinking and behaviors and adjust emotions to adapt to your environment. Daniel Goleman defined EI is typically associated with empathy, because it involves an individual's connecting their personal experiences with those of others.

So, EQ really is about adapting but it's an understanding and how to use emotions in this equation.   Which anyone can improve to feel happier or adapt better to transitions.

This is one of the components in my Thrive system as I work with clients to help them understand the interactions between our thoughts and emotions affecting our behaviors.

I currently putting together a supportive community to build more confidence in social situations, using my Thrive system as an example of how to use EQ. To feel more secure more confident about your abilities as you move into a transition into latter stages of life because I am seeing an increase in depression and without these skills on how to deal better with life pressures, I do believe that it can affect us physically if we don’t figure it out.

You can learn these skills to adapt and make those transitions in life and not to give up or get disillusioned that we aren’t able to keep up.

But if you are noticing somebody that maybe has lost their smile, share this with them, help them to notice, or strongly encourage somebody to reach out to get a different perspective or encourage counseling that is included in all health plans to increase their knowledge of their emotions, or to help them develop something that they truly enjoy in life.

So there are things you can offer a person that you love that is in their 50s and floundering maybe they've lost their job in COVID, or their business in the COVID maybe losing their house.

When things can start to pile on and you've if got teenagers in the home with expectations needing more money, thoughts about college, and the pressure start to mount.

Here are three things that anyone can use, but specifically people in their 50s, to find more purpose and meaning for this transitional time, but needing to make money, be productive, and do all the things that are needed if you do have children still in your home.

So, here's three things you can do today to move you into better Emotional Intelligence.

  1. lower your pressures and expectations on yourself. Sometimes that pressure is internal, it's not even expected of you. But you put it on yourself, maybe you were an overachiever, and just think you need to, or me maybe even take on responsibilities of others that are not even truly yours. That's a really important one to check out. That you're not taking on what I'm going to call other people's stuff, or responsibilities of others that is truly theirs. But if you are a fixer and trying to make sure everyone is happy and but, leaving yourself out. I call it stay in your own lane. What is yours to take care of. Sometimes we think we are responsible for how our children turn out. They have choices and consequences. And I feel that is our responsibility as a parent not to fix things, the messes that they create, but teach them responsible behavior, life skills, emotional intelligence, by your example. So maybe look at what you are taking on for other people's responsibilities but increase also your belief that you can figure this out work towards a five year goal instead of one month ago or one year ago, and Bill Gates said something that we seem to over expect what we can do in one year and underestimate what we could do in five years. So start to look at a five year plan maybe it is financial. What do you need to do get clear on what you want your and what you choose now for this next transition time, but it's called a clarity action plan to decrease your doubts and increase your happiness your enjoyment factor.

 If you're noticing more Disillusioned with life and if you can keep all of these balls in the air, or sadness and overwhelmed or feeling stuck To me, that's the beginning of depression, you're digging a hole and you can't get get out of it. And this is to me when the danger starts that needs to be looked at that people, maybe even subconsciously unaware of what some of their habits behaviors are creating in this depression or truly given up on life and not really recognizing it.

I had this colleague at age 51, that his heart gave out, Is that a metaphor. My mentor age 59 this year, My own brother was just 64, when he died.  But it seemed like the same thing. He just couldn't do the same things, getting up on a roof, fixing things, having the energy to be able to be productive, in competition with the younger guys, making enough money he needed. And it doesn't feel like there's a lot of a support around us to be even able to talk about this.

So even just being able to support somebody to understand not to fix it, but to listen.

  1. Get happy. Change your mindset to I can do this. I will do this. I don’t know How I will do this, but I will. What daily action can you take to be happier? What do you enjoy doing for yourself? That you can do right now? Do you like puzzles, playing cards, take a walk or ride draw. There's coloring books for adults painting, picking up something I can do right now reading, sitting, being quiet. Whatever it is listening to music can be wonderfully relaxing and creating a joyful feeling smile. Smiling is one of the I think most underrated things you can possibly do to feel happier.
  2. increase your EQ or emotional quotient or intelligence. Start by recognizing the four main emotions we all have happy, sad, mad or scared, get used to saying I'm really happy with this when I do this with you. Or when I'm doing this with you, I am really sad, when I see you doing this. Just say it and say, or when you are mad, scare

 Use this to recognizing your emotional state and saying it out loud. Reach out if you feel stuck, overwhelmed and don't allow doubt or expectation from others to get to stand up for yourself. Just keep moving forward step by step to feel happier and just move to be feel more satisfied. And c

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911.

3 things you can do Today to improve your Emotional Intelligence and Live Better.

Here are three things that anyone can use, but specifically people in their 50s, to find more purpose and meaning for this transitional time, but needing to make money, be productive, and do all the things that are needed if you do have children still in your home.

So here's 3 things you can do today to move you into better Emotional Intelligence.

  1. Lower the pressures and expectations on yourself. Sometimes that pressure is internal, it's not even things expected of you. But you put it on yourself, maybe you were an overachiever, and just think you need to, or me maybe even take on responsibilities of others that are not even truly yours. That's a really important one to check out.

That you're not taking on what I'm going to call other people's stuff, or responsibilities of others that is truly theirs. But if you are a fixer and trying to make sure everyone is happy and but, leaving yourself out. I call it stay in your own lane. What is yours to take care of.

Sometimes we think we are responsible for how our children turn out. But know they have choices and consequences. And I feel that is our responsibility as a parent not to fix things, the messes that they create, but teach them responsible behavior, life skills, emotional intelligence, by your example.

So maybe look at what you are taking on for other people's responsibilities, but increase also your belief that you can figure this out work towards a five year goal instead of one month ago or one year ago.

Bill Gates said we seem to over expect what we can do in one year and underestimate what we could do in five years.

So start to look at a five year plan maybe it is financial.  What do you need to do get clear on what you need for yourself,  choose now for this next transition time, but it's called a clarity action plan to decrease your doubts and your debts and increase your happiness your enjoyment factor.

 If you're noticing more Disillusioned with life and if you can keep all of these balls in the air, or sadness and overwhelmed or feeling stuck To me, that's the beginning of depression, you're digging a hole and you can't get out of it. And this is to me when the danger starts that needs to be looked at that people, maybe even subconsciously unaware of what some of their habit’s of behaviors are creating in this depression or truly given up on life and not really recognizing it.

So even just being able to support somebody to understand not to fix it, but to listen.

  1. Get happy. Change your mindset to I can do this. I I don’t know, but I will. What daily action can you take to be happier? What do you enjoy doing for yourself? That you can do right now? Do you like puzzles, playing cards, take a walk or ride draw. There are coloring books for adults painting, picking up something I can do right now reading, sitting, being quiet. Whatever it is listening to music can be wonderfully relaxing and creating a joyful feeling smile. Smiling is one of the I think most underrated things you can possibly do to feel happier.
  2. Increase your EQ or emotional quotient or intelligence. Start by recognizing the four main emotions we all have happy, sad, mad or scared, get used to saying I'm really happy with this when I do this with you. Or when I'm doing this with you, I am really sad, when I see you doing this. Just say it and say, or when you are mad, scare

Use this to recognizing your emotional state and saying it out loud. Reach out if you feel stuck, overwhelmed and don't allow doubt or expectation from others to get to stand up for yourself. Just keep moving forward step by step to feel happier and just move to be feel more satisfied. And c

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it.

Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911.

Or check out more at AnxietySimplified.net For this podcast and more

Or go to https://esapros.com for an emotional support animal or a Psychiatric Service Dog to go with you everywhere to give you the support you need.

Podcast 38: How to Groom a Psychopath

Monsters can be created, A cautionary Tale for Parent

Podcast (Audio Only)

How to create a Psychopath- Never Say NO to them, or set any boundaries on them that is the simple answer.

What is a psychopath or a narcissistic and how can we protect ourselves from them

Treatment options Question of the day is: Can a Psychopath be treated?

This is a cautionary tale for parents and society why boundaries and saying no is so important for a functioning society.

As a Mental 30-year Mental Health Provider, I have dealt with all kinds of people and family dynamics.  I would usually see this family when things are so out of control that there is no way of helping them, because the child is in charge and the parents and siblings are being held hostage to the behaviors. This is an of an out-of-control child or young adult, without any of the family members, having the skills or having built in the skills, to say no or set appropriate boundaries as a young child and this young adult has become dangerous or revengeful and then the police or someone with more authority has to be brought in.  

And unfortunately, the parents are blaming the kid, usually, instead of taking the responsibility of what was needed to happen to prevent this.  And this is how generations can perpetual anti-social behaviors, because no one learned appropriate social skills.

Boundaries of saying no, are meant to be learned at developmental milestones of behavior that start to be learned at age 2.  when children start to understand that they are separate from their parents and they test the boundaries. The “terrible twos” as you may here them is the development stage of hearing no, and the parents being together and consistent with the child until they understand this is as far as the child can go safely. 

Saying no is showing that you care enough to take the time to teach your child what it is to give and take in a relationship and know that is love.  Then again in teenage years they go through this again and hopefully, they learned at the 2 year old level and the teens will be much easier then.

I see narcissism or anti-social behaviors as not having learned, the key word here is NO, or learned, to be empathic to others.

These are the qualities of both a narcissist and a Psychopath we call anti-social personality as the clinical diagnosis not psychopath. There are certain traits associated with ASPD that you can watch for if you are in a relationship with or a boss or in your child.

Some of the more common signs of anti-social Personality DO include:

  • socially irresponsible behavior ( not having learned what responsible behavior is)
  • disregarding or violating the rights of others ( no one showing them what is a personal boundary and boundaries of others)
  • inability to distinguish between right and wrong (learning the word no)
  • difficulty with showing remorse or empathy ( learning having to care about another human or animal)
  • tendency to lie often (they have figure out how to get their needs met by manipulation)
  • manipulating and hurting others ( it works and gets the results they want and no on stops them)
  • recurring problems with the law ( this becomes the big no, our court and law enforcement)
  • general disregard towards safety and responsibility ( no one cares for me, why should I care about them or myself, truly they are hurt little children that are grown up now and left to their own devices to survive in an uncaring world)

Where if you combine these symptoms with narcissist- characterized by:

  • an inflated sense of importance
  • a deep need for excessive attention and admiration
  • lack of empathy for others
  • often having troubled relationships
  • preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (Corporate Ceo)
  • belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. (Politicians)
  • need for excessive admiration (Tv stars)
  • sense of entitlement
  • interpersonally exploitative behavior
  • envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
  • demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

What it boils down to, says licensed therapist  Rebecca Weiler, LMHC is selfishness at the (usually extreme) expense of others, plus the inability to consider others’ feelings at all. Again no one teaching them what is appropriate behaviors or caring about others, because no one cared about me. Or no one setting boundaries.

NPD, like most mental health or personality disorders, isn’t black and white. “Narcissism falls on a spectrum,” explains Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of “The Self-Aware Parent.”  With just a few symptoms presented to the full blown all-encompassing destructive symptoms.

But make no mistake, they can be dangerous, that charming way of seducing you, telling you what you want to hear and one therapist call it ‘love bombing’ you, can change quickly, if their fragile sense of themselves is hurt.   They can seek revenge and be dangerous in a relationship.   As we often see in domestic violence.   

Seek help if you are ever feeling threaten by a person you are in a relationship with, leaving can be the most dangerous time, because that narcissists may feel that you have bruised their inflated sense of importance or they feel abandoned and have no healthy coping skills to work with it out themselves, because again they never learned them from their initial family. And do look for vulnerable people to control. Once you aren’t that they usually will seek to find someone else to control or see you as an object of their, they are losing.

In January 2021 in a FB live after the insurrection on Jan. 6th at the Capital I did a FB live about these tendencies and what to watch out for.  

I believe that is what we saw these same behaviors in White supremacy at the capital.  No one was saying NO to them and a past president was supportive their abusive behaviors, in my opinion. People are intimidated by their power and control.  Just like the KKK in the south.

This is continuing right now with barbed wire around our National Capital building.  

Or in corporate American where one study found that 20 % of American CEO had Psychopathic tendencies. They seek Power and control and learned how to manipulate people and things to bend to their needs.  

What brought this up for me to write about was that I was watching some Muscovy ducks, who have multiply colored ducks the size of turkey, that have made our yard their home. A new adolescent duck flew in and tried to take dominance over the older well-established duck, that had dominance over a female duck.  The new adolescent duck come to establish his dominance,

They literally fought for 15-20 minutes on land and on water to subjugate one of them and the established older duck won. He said one no, I am the boss and this is my girl, not yours. He did remain dominant.

This young stud give in and they are all living together, after the setting of boundaries.  So nature is the example of this also.

It also made me start to even think about racism and slavery, where it started how it started, how its continued. It's about not ever being able to say no  and building a system that does say no to someone who is trying to exert their rights or be independent if they are not the right color to the ones in power, being subjugated by ones in power, or a system that is set up to subjugate and say no.  

I started to think about slaves plucked out of their own environment their home environment. Put a chains, treated like sub humans, put in, hold of a ship and thrown scraps of food and sold as things.

Demoralized completely subjugated taken out of their home away from family as a way to break them as a way to say the biggest No ever.

Bring them to a new environment you've never experienced, thrown into a new way of life, that your head must be continuing to spin, put in a system that supports that No against you.

You cannot leave, you cannot be free. you cannot exert any rights. Cannot vote,  

A system built on fear of physical violence to you.  Having a system of No for most to be subjugated for the few benefits.

What does this system sound like it is based on?  Psychopathology and narcissism to the nth degree. 

A system that is still in place today, that is showing itself to us all, but, has been for most people of color forever. 

Right now, there are 100 legislative bills that are before state governments to restrict or make it harder for minorities to vote, to never have a voice.  Can we say NO to them? Yes we can with our votes.

Is it time for this subjugation system to stop? 

According to Mary Trump, the niece of Donald Trump, wrote a book about it. The title is ‘To much and Never Enough’. Just the title explains it. No one ever said no to him and he has terrorized his family and ours.

As a Psychologist that is what she is alluding to in the Trump family that created the sociopath that we just spent the last 4 years having to deal with as a country. No one said no to him.

So, what can we do for our children or learn from this? In my counseling practice, what I witnessed was that in either direction can produce a Narcissist or a psychopath, Either, overindulging a child and never setting boundaries, or never saying no and just giving in to them and giving them anything they want, or being neglectful or emotional abandoning them or never being emotional available to them.

Without anyone loving them enough to teach them what is appropriate boundaries in relationships or what does it mean to care for another person can lead to both narcissism and anti-social personality or the creation of a psychopath.

We need to learn how to set boundaries or what is appropriate social behaviors and how to say no and mean it without abuse or threats. To be consist and follow thru on what you say and stick to it for the good of the child and family.  Seek help early from a professional, do not wait, if you school or neighbors, tell you your child is a bully.

More men than women have this diagnosis.

  • Technically, to receive an ASPD diagnosis, you have to be 18 years of age. But some people will show signs of conduct disorder, which may be an early indicator of ASPD, as early as age 11.
  • It’s a chronic condition that seems to improve with age.
  • Mortality rates are higher in people with ASPD because of their behavior.

However, Dr. Masand, clinical director or Healthy ways, counseling,  says a true ASPD diagnoses is not made until the age of 18. “For most people, the worst of the behavior occurs in the late teen years throughout the twenties,” he explains.

It will be apparent generally in grade school, the bully on the playground.

To get a proper diagnosis, a mental health professional will conduct a full mental health profile.

The mental health professional will also look at medical history. This full evaluation is a critical step since ASPD tends to show comorbidity with other mental health and addictive disorders.

Since a true ASPD diagnosis is typically delayed until the age of 18, adolescents and teens that present with similar symptoms younger with behaviors  for conduct disorder (CD) or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).

Of the two behavior disorders, CD is more severe than ODD. When determining if a child has ODDTrusted Source, clinicians will look at how they act around people they know.

Typically, someone with ODD is more likely to act oppositional or defiant around family members, teachers, or a healthcare provider. If an adolescent or teen is showing an ongoing pattern of aggression toward others and they regularly make choices that are in opposition of the rules and social norms at home, school, or with peers, a clinician may decide to get help quickly.  Especially, if a child is hurting animals or setting fires.  

Like the diagnostic process, treating someone with psychopathic traits that fall under the ASPD diagnosis can be difficult. Typically, a healthcare provider will use a combination of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and medication.

However, personality disorders cannot be treated with medication alone. Psychotherapy can help the person understand their diagnosis and how it impacts their life and their relationships with others. A therapist will also work to develop strategies that decrease the severity of the symptoms.

If medication is part of the treatment plan, a doctor might prescribe medications that treat other metal health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or symptoms of aggression.

But that's why and that's how and I say this as a cautionary tale to mothers, fathers, that NO is an important boundary. No is supposed to be used, to understand right from wrong. No is a very powerful word that needs to be used in an appropriate way to say it's not okay to do this, who has stand up, as a boundary, so that they understand how to work within social norms to the betterment of the whole, not of the individual person, or family.

As Americans, I think we have a lot to learn about the whole instead of the individual.  To include and be respectful of all people instead of subjugating certain parts of our society.

Practice using the word No with Love and with the intention of showing love. Say it without any emotion in it.  Just a simple boundary. With a simple non emotional explanation. If you need help please reach out. For all of our sakes.

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if you need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911.

You can contact us at anxietysimplified.net or find out more how to get an Emotional Support animal for housing or a Certified Psychiatric Service dog to go anywhere with to feel the calm. By for now. Or check out more podcasts AnxietySimplified.net 

Or go to https://esapros.com for an emotional support animal or a Psychiatric Service Dog to go with you everywhere.

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified5.net  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

Our next podcast: Why your 50’s can the most dangerous decade

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Podcast 37: The Weight Loss Habit:The Weight Loss Habit: The No BS, No Gimmicks (Sort Of) Easy Way to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever by Steven Ray Marks

Easy Weight Loss Strategies for People with Anxiety

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses with Steven Ray Marks, author of The Weight Loss Habit: The No BS, No Gimmick, (Sort Of) Easy Way to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever

Steven started his childhood wealthy, then suddenly switched to being raised by a poor single mother working nights after his attorney father got caught stealing from his clients. He has a BA in Economics from Georgetown University, and an MFA.

He grew up overweight, then in his mid-20s figured out an effective strategy for losing weight, lost 60 lbs. and has kept the weight off since. These are the methods he used to lose 30% of my body weight and keep it off 20 years, without exercise and while still eating the foods he enjoys. And reducing his anxiety rather than worsened it like some of the current diet methods.

Summary of Todays show:

  1. Lifelong weight loss for people who struggle
  2. Self-Improvement made easy
  3. Why is this program different
  4. Why are diets so ineffective for most people?
  5. What’s different about the strategies in Stevens book The Weight Loss Habit?

Question for today is? Why is weight loss particularly challenging for people with anxiety?

 Steven shared 3 keys to weight loss is to build good eating habits.

  1. Building good eating habits by praising yourself for good decisions, not punishing yourself for bad decisions.
  2.   An effective weight loss strategy has to be something you’re willing to keep up for life. Which means it must be easy and relatively pleasant. If your diet/exercise program makes you miserable, you’ll end up quitting it and gaining the weight right back.
  3. The most important weight loss habit is to take a moment to think before you eat, buy, or prepare food, rationally decide if and how much is a good idea to eat, and then praise yourself for good decisions. It can be a good decision to occasionally eat unhealthy food if you really want it. It’s also be a good decision to eat smaller amounts of unhealthy food.

There are many reasons traditional weight loss strategies don’t work and are especially difficult for those who suffer from anxiety. He had depression and anxiety as a kid. “A wall of awful” is what his wife calls her anxiety.

All or nothing thinking, self-deprivation. Super Will power or just Give up or give in.

A shame-and-blame approach, huge time and effort commitments, all-or-nothing thinking, self-deprivation, and requiring more willpower than you have turns any attempt to lose weight into an overwhelming wall of awful.

In the Weight Loss Habit, Steven lays out an alternative that is different from other strategies because it is using reinforcement of the positive choices without blame and shame.

Use the path of least resistance. Have food available that you can eat. Keep things simple and Frozen food are easy. Feel satisfied with smaller bite, 1 M&M, Focus on your goal.

Developing a new habit, by being willing to do it forever, easy and with pleasure.  Think first, celebrating pride fundamental part. Replace old habit. Very consciously.

By using a positive approach and small, easy steps, you can build that habits that will allow you lose weight and keep it off for life.

Better self-talk. Be Kind to yourself.

He does use scales to weigh himself Weekly to see progress and then celebrate it.

Focus on what you want, clothes fitting, looking like you want to.

Some simple changes can make this easy to start. Switch to Diet soda, Have gum for dessert, Sugar free flavoring like Stevia, play a game instead of eating, Candy crush, hijacks your brain, fights craving and anxiety.

Steve has a giveaway for our Listeners can get a free guide for losing weight while eating fast food and lists low-calorie options at America’s top fast food chains, from The Weight Loss Habit called “Eating Fast Food for Fun and Weight Loss.

selfhelpingyourself.com/anxietysimplified

He blogs about making self-improvement easier at www.SelfHelpingYourself.com.

Find Steven Ray Marks book: The Weight Loss Habit on amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Weight-Loss-Habit-Gimmick-Forever/dp/B089M54YZ5

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified.net  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

Our next podcast: How to Groom a Psychopath

See other podcasts at AnxietySimplified.net

 

Podcast 36: Understanding Your Dreams

Learn to Interpret Your Dreams

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses with Debbie Weisman the Dream Coach, She a Best-selling Author,  Writer or contributor to 29 books, including Chicken Soup for the Soul, In addition to her coaching work, Debbie is the co-owner of a film and video production company with films including the film What the Bleep Do We Know! and the Dreaming Heaven a spiritual documentary.  

Debbie is also the best-selling author of over twenty novels, including five of the original books in the popular Sweet Valley High series.

She credits her dream work with inspiring her to return to writing. Her most recent books include 101 Dream Dates: How to Say I love You To the Most Important Person in Your Life--

Summary of today Podcast: 

  1. Why Dreams are important or why we should pay attention to them.
  2. Why you need a Dream coach?
  3. A system for turning those nightmares into sweet dreams. Believe your dreams
  4. How can one dream change your life?
  5. How can my dreams affect me if I don't remember them?

Question for today is? What are some of the most frequently dreams dreamed?

Debbie helps dreamers understand their dreams. She asks aspects of the Dream or Symbols that the dreamer interprets according to what they mean to the dreamer, until they understand what is means to them. She can answer general questions about dreams or help you understand how your dreams can lead to greater self-awareness. self-confidence and self-love.

She has a Process to interpret dreams:

  1. You need to Believe that a dream has answers for you
  2. Notice the feelings in the dream
  3. Understand how this relates to your life
  4. Honor the information that is discovered
  5. Take action to honor the dream

There is a term called Dream Recrafting where you can go into a dream and reconstruct the ending to have it have the ending that you want. Especially if this is a nightmare or you are a victim in the dream.  You can recraft it to become the superhero instead of being a victim. 

Or you can do this after the dream through rewriting the ending.

Some of the most frequent dreams are of fear, being naked or losing teeth.

Debbie is happy to answer general questions about dreams or help you understand how your dreams can lead to greater self-awareness. self-confidence and self-love.

Go to her website: thedreamcoach.net and click on the link to schedule an appointment for a complementary 30-minute Dream Discovery Session, her email- Debbie@thedreamcoach.net

Debbie has her own podcast Dream Life coach on Dream Power Radio

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified.net.  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

Our next podcast: Steven Marks-Weight loss- The No BS, No Gimmick, (Sort Of) Easy Way to Lose Weight and Keep It Off Forever

See other podcast at AnxietySimplified.net