Podcast 40: 9 Ways to get Unstuck when you Feel Hurt or Betrayed and Can’t Forgive
Hurt to Acceptance Using the Sedona Method
Podcast (Audio Only)
9 ways to get unstuck when you feel hurt, betrayal or overwhelmed.
- How to Change your focus from hurt to happiness.
- Focus on what you want next in your life to move on
- Focus on a lesson learned to not repeat again.
- How could be better off from experiencing this?
- Use your Intention for the Long term instead of on the short term
- Don’t blame anyone or yourself- Take responsibility!
In my counseling practice I am seeing more clients feeling overwhelmed, from all the things happening this year. Some may not have not had the emotional energy to grieve their losses. So, we are holding on to more unhealthy feelings than we need to.
One of my clients came to me and told me she felt that her sister had really hurt her badly over a co-friend situation and the sister choice the friend over her. There has been a rift, or strain since. This has been 5 years now. Covid has made it feel like it was time to come back together as a family, but her sister really didn’t seem to care about coming back together. So we will talk about ways this sister, we call her Clara, might find some relief.
9 ways to let go and get out of feeling Stuck.
-Ask-Do you REALLY want to change this situation and or ready to Repair the Relationship? or are you enjoying the blaming and pointing outside of yourself? This is the 1st step you Must ask. If you must really want to change this situation Or you won’t. Period. It is always Your choice.
1.Notice what you are focused on with your own thoughts in this situation without blaming the other?
Are you continual focused on how the person hurt you, revenge thoughts, hate or destructive feelings?
Or are you focused on solutions to repair, understand, willing to forgive or let go? Only you can answer this.
This client, Clara, did decide to let go of the hurt and betrayal she was feeling but didn’t’ know she could affect this, herself. If her sister wasn’t part of it.
Sometimes in therapy, or in couples therapy, even if just one person coming to the session, can change the dynamic, because THEY let go and then they can move forward and feel better about the situation themselves or they look at this situation differently and they make themselves feel better about it, so they act differently to the other person and It even seems to change the dynamics in the relationship, when one person feels happy and has let this go of the issue. Even if the other person never does.
- Increase your focus on what it is that you actual want as the outcome, instead of what you are mad about or being RIGHT? Write down what you want to happen as a solution.
This client Clara just wants to feel better about her sister.
- Feel where in your body you feel this when you talk about the situation?
Sit with it for a time and feel it and let is wash over you until it is gone. Get up walk around, shake it off and then feel it in the body again. It is amazing when we just take a moment to feel something, we can let it go.
- Write out what you are stuck on with the person- Are you still hating the way that person speaks about you? Write out what you feel you are stuck on and write a new ending to this story how you wish it had ended (no one will know any ways, it’s your story)
- Is this feeling or situation within your control to change? If this decision IS within your control:
Do you think the situation with Clara is under her control or not? Most might say no.
Consciously choose a new way to look at the situation, maybe from their viewpoint, choose a new scenario of why this happened.
If this issue doesn’t feel within your control-Put it UNDER your control
Take your power back from whomever you gave it too. Understand that you had to play a part- even unknowingly or even if you were too young to understand. Maybe you could not do it then, but you can take your power back now.
Take 100% responsibility and No blaming anyone or yourself for this happening and that puts it back under your control to change the outcome.
Clara didn’t feel it was within her control, but as we talked about it, she could put it under her own control, by deciding to feel happy no matter what. Stop blaming her sister and stop writing negative things on social media about her to friends. That can stop the progress of more hurt feelings.
- Let Go -Now to be freed from the effects of this issue and this person. I know it is- Simple to say- maybe not Simple to do but when you are ready to let go. You will decide too, and the way will come clearer, how to resolve it.
Many times, The other person may not even know they hurt you. Don’t waste any more emotional energy or pain on them. Its time to let it go.
7.Here is a simple easy method you can try right now.
The Sedona Method- developed by Virginia Lloyd- Ask these 3 questions?
- Could I Let go? Of course, you could let go-If you choice too.
- Will I let go- this is the big ask?? If not why not? If you can’t figure this out by yourself then it is therapy time to ask for help. Please reach out, we can refer you to someone of maybe you want a session with Joanne to work this out.
- When will I let go? Right NOW!
If the feeling returns, because they might, just ask. Could I let go? Would I let go? When? Until it does.
- You can send vibs of happiness and joy to that person that hurt you, no one needs to know. As a blessing of happiness for yourself, because you will feeling better for doing it it. No matter what someone does to you, you can send this love. Then this is under your control and you will feel better for doing it.
- Choose to feel good no matter what, Show happiness about your life, that is the best revenge of all. Being happy no matter what.
This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it. Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911
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Remember to use and practice the skill we shared today, to feel the Joys of life. And go to our website anxietysimplified.net for more on how to get certified for an Emotional Support or Psychiatric Service Dog today at ESApros.com Remember to Share the Love.