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Podcast 67: How To Overcome and Cure Sexual Anxiety

Sexual Anxiety Can Be Controlled

Sexual anxiety in marriage

Today we have a special guest Dr. Lindsey Brooks a sex therapist.  I will introduce in a minute.  

Dr. Brooks has her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, is a certified sex therapist turned sex educator and has been providing therapy since 2005. She is thrilled to now be bringing her knowledge beyond the therapy office into her Sexual Empowerment School where she teaches women how to build their own sexual self-knowledge, develop pleasure-positive mindsets, and learn sexual communication skills through her on-line 8 weeks workshops and resources.

How to overcome sexual anxiety

  1. She shares how developing a Pleasure-positive mindset can be an integral part of wellness. That for women pleasure is ok and welcoming. 
  2. Boundaries- Be clear before hand and discuss what You want, What You will do and what you won’t do. 
  3. Can be hard to separate emotions and sexuality with someone.  This is where hurt feeling and shame and anxiety can be there if you are not on the same emotional page when having sex.
  4. The Messages or script learned from religions, social media or TV and Misinformation have an impact on what we think is right or wrong, good or bad. You are either a good girl or a fun girl.

How to get rid of sexual anxiety

In her 8 week workshop Dr. Lindsey help to rewrite scripts for more of a pleasure mindset. 

  • Normalizing behaviors and emotions involved. 
  • Reframe Shame and what that person enjoys. 
  • Look at your own Values to guide you.  What feels right, . Not fear or shame.

Women deserve pleasure in sex and for it to be mutual and reciprocated, not one sided. 

Sexual anxiety treatment

She has a free Offering: https://www.sexualempowermentschool.com/quiz 

Her course can be found at:https://www.sexualempowermentschool.com/

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if you need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911. Remember to Share the Love. 

Go to our website anxietysimplified.net for more on how to get certified for an Emotional Support or Psychiatric Service Dog today.  

Esaevaluation16  FB page at Joanne Williams

AnxietySimplified.net Podcast videos to feel more in control of your life.

ESA Pros.com for an emotional support animal or a Psychiatric Service Dog to go with you everywhere you go

Podcast 56: 3 Ways to Shift Shame to Self-Compassion

Podcast (Audio Only)

Anxiety in the Midst of Shifting Religious Beliefs

Joanne Williams interviews, Amanda Waldron, LCSW, she tells her story of a life experience that shook her faith and now helps her clients as a Licensed MH professional.  She’s launching a new venture called Hey Amanda!  A mentoring program, where anyone can come by video chat who is having doubts about their beliefs in their Christian faith to be listened to and supported.

Amanda is a Clinical Social Worker, that works in Grand Rapids, MI where she supports clients around anxiety in life transitions, and distressing life events as a therapist. She shares what she has learned on her journey to Make this process easier for others.

3 ways to Shift Shame to Self-compassion:

  1. Identify consciously what you are feelings. Guilt is a gateway to shame in her body, that can move into depression is you are not aware of it.
  2. Patterns of thinking that keep unhealthy thoughts
  3. Shifting to non judgement to self-compassion

Self-compassion gives you options to make kinder choices of self-acceptance.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) gave her Ideas of how to change her thoughts affecting how she feels.

She offers a quiz of the unhealthy thinking style with recommendation.at Heyamandawaldron.com

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if you need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911. Remember to Share the Love.

Remember to practice the skills we shared today to feel more joys in your life.

Video of Podcast at anxietysimplified.net 

Find out how to get an Emotional Support animal for housing or a Certified Psychiatric Service dog to go anywhere with to feel the calm at ESAPros.com

Podcast 48: Anxiety in Relationships

10 Keys to Help Relationships with Anxiety

Podcast (Audio Only)

We will discuss 10 ways to handle anxiety situations

Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses Anxiety affects on relationships. Don’t we all know the worrier in relationships and how they say they will do something and then change their mind at the last minute, after the tickets are bought? Anxiety can get between not only partners, but friends or couples and seem to control the entire experience.  It can be frustrating for everyone to the point where you don’t even want to do things with that couple anymore.

Do you know the couple that the one person in it is constantly worried that everything will not go as planned and they freak out in the restaurant at the waiter, because the meal was cold or the wine spilled? Or worse you made vacation plans 6 months ago and It is all planned and the couple pulls out at the last moment, because the women refuses to fly, for fear the plane will crash. You are left feeling like you are holding the bag for the expenses and feel now you have to scramble to find another couple which adds added stress on you?

This situation is being affected by anxiety, even when you may think it is just rude and irresponsible behaviors.  The fear is represented as a fear of dying IF SHE flys, worrying about things that haven’t happened or of the unknown, irritability can be a symptom where the person may fly off the handle at the least little thing, like wine spilling at the restaurant.  Or needing ridge rules to not feel out of control.

Do you experience irritability when you are stressed, or does your partner or boss. How does that effect your day or your work or your relationships? Not well as I have observed as a marriage counselor of 30 years.

We will discuss 10 ways to handle anxiety situations if that is a feature in your relationship.

Anxiety can stress any kind of Relationship, whether it is your marriage, coworkers, or family members. Some of the ways to help lower anxieties effect on relationships are making sure that you are doing everything you can to keep your own strengths, passions, values and lifestyle consistent. It can make you a happier person and less likely to be as affected by your partners, irritability or controlling ways.

It will make it easier for you to stick to the relationship rules that you agreed on without emotions and stick to the facts.

You also need to communicate your own anxieties to your loved ones. If you are afraid about the next meeting or event you should tell your loved ones. It is much easier for them to understand why you may need to leave early or easier to make a plan together.

Giving your loved ones information about your needs in a particular situation helps them to be more understanding and supportive. There are many ways to help lessen the anxiety you or they feel, including using medications and exercise.

It is recommended to use anxiety calming behaviors regularly to build a practice you can rely on.  Sometimes routines and feeling prepared are some of the simplest ways that can be a huge relief, then be sure to share them, with a friend that you do things with to share the support.Anxiety symptoms may vary from person to person, and there are symptoms that may occur in different situations.

If you have anxiety in your relationship at just the thought of having a conversation with them or your partner's family, avoidance or fear because you don’t know what to say something, can blow up into a major issue, if not honestly discussed you can feel vulnerable.  Work as a team to figure it out, instead of avoiding. Clarity always clears the air and can lessen anxiety when you feel understood and supported.

The symptoms of an anxiety or a panic attacks can occur when you allow your anxiety to fester and not be addressed. It can include symptoms of shaking, sweating, heart palpitations, muscle tension, fear and concern. A panic attack can appear like a medical emergency or totally out of proportion to an observer and to the person having the panic attack, it can feel like they are going to die.  So, if you or your partner have panic attacks, it is a big red sign that internally, you are not handling stress or situations well and then the anxiety is having a chance to build up, instead of learning ways to intervene before they blow up into a panic attack that then you fear they may occur and start a loop of anxiety that is harder to stop.

It is advised to consult with a professional therapist if you're experiencing more than these, like agitation, nightmares or hyperactivity, these can be symptoms of overwhelm, from a deeper unresolved issue of a trauma. These symptoms can be tamed with learn skills to handle the anxiety before they blow up into a panic attack.

 10 keys to helping Relationships with anxiety that is a major factor

  1. Do not try to live your life without a support. Find a good therapist, good friend or work mates or a partner in your life to reassure you and will help calm you, if you are the anxious one. Don’t blame yourself for feeling insecure, truly inner self confidence is something that is built within and it was meant to come from the outside first, by a primary supportive person.  If you didn’t receive it from your family, you may need to find it from a professional until you can build those inner skills.
  1. Make sure you have conversations with your partner that are from your adult self, not your wounded child. Your adult self is more able to be more grounded in facts and less emotional. Being emotional is fine to show your concern or vulnerability to get to the heart of the matter, but if it impedes a problem-solving conversation, if is not helpful. Learn to know the difference with kindness to yourself.
  1. Your partners needs to be informed about what you are experiencing or when your anxiety, is heighten to work out a plan for it.  It is always good to ask your partner if this is a good time to discuss what you are feeling with them, instead of just throwing this at them unless they are willing and able to discuss it with you at that time.  or schedule time with their therapist. If building skills is needed; then learning first yourself and then to practice them together before an event or a non anxiety producing situation as part of a good communication plan that can produce understanding and support.
  1. Have couples therapy sessions as scheduled to work out boundaries and rules that you both agree on and can follow to lower stress about the unknowns. This is important because you cannot do it on your own, you have already proven that. You need help to work together and be honest with yourself about what you need as you face your fears.
  1. It is recommended to see a therapist that you trust, but the therapist is only the coach you are the players on the field, it is your responsibility to make the recommended changes and report back to your therapist what worked or want didn’t work, to make the change to the next play until it works for you. 
  1. You are a team member, treat each other like you want to succeed in your game of life.5.  Find some simple relaxation activities that you can do together, either by playing a game or by taking a walk in the park. You should combine it with something that you like to do together, like watching a movie or enjoying a meal, to create happy secure times, so when the harder situations come you both can work together.
  1. Check out the Vagus Breathing podcast # 45 for a very simple 4 and 8 breathing pattern that can calm immediately that calms the Vagus Nerve.
  1. 6.  Be honest with your partner and tell them what you are feeling. For example, if you are having some doubts about a situation, tell your partner so he or she can give you reassurance or the clarity you need to make a better decision.  This is the # one thing anyone with anxiety is wanting, reassurance and to know it will be ok and a good way to start is with getting clarity about how to resolve the issue or make an agreed upon plan.
  1. 7.  Let your partner know ahead of time, about something that you are planning, pressure or short notice to get ready will add more pressure on them that will increase their short fuse, irritability and anxiety.Let your partner know if you are having some doubts about the plan, before hand, so that they can help you with preparations or what is bugging them, or you about it, so that it can be worked out, so you can let it go to enjoy the occasion.
  1. Do not expect you partner to make you happy or to feel calmer, that is your responsibility, not theirs.
  1. 9. Let your partner know, if there are changes you want to make to the plan that would lower your anxiety.
  1.  Be prepared to make mistakes! It is all about trial and error. You need to acknowledge and accept that some things will not go as planned, be flexible and change your mindset if it is ridged, to look at it like an adventure or a challenge. Not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out perfectly or exactly as planned.

In therapy with couples, Once I hear blaming, resentment and anger, I know this couple has waited too long to get help.

Don’t wait, ask for help, ask for what you need to be happy to create a happy relationship and along the way you will build skills that you can use in other situations to create more happiness around you and your loved ones.

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if you need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911. Remember to Share the Love.

Or go to https://esapros.com for an emotional support animal or a Psychiatric Service Dog to go with you everywhere to give you the support you need.

See the videos of the podcasts at AnxietySimplified.net

Podcast 47: 11 keys to Healthy Relationships

Even if Anxiety is a Major Factor

Podcast (Audio Only)

Joanne Williams explains from a therapist perspective some of the most common obstacles and remedies for healthy relationships.

Today's podcast is part 1 or 2 Part 1 about 11 keys to creating healthy happy relationships at home and work.

Part 2 or next week’s podcast will be about how anxiety can be an obstacle in relationships and 10 keys to creating and keeping a health relationship.

Why are relationships so hard?

Is your relationship like the Taylors in Home Improvement where everything works out and everyone laughs and loves and takes care of each other’s needs and live happily ever after or like the TV show of ‘Sheldon’ the spin off from the Big Bang theory, with eccentricities all over the place and having to accommodate what you might think are whackco ideas because anxiety controls another part of your partners life and it affects your relationship . 

Maybe things changed since you married or after having children or since Covid.  And if you are looking for answers, I will bring you some answers.

If your work with a boss that blames everyone except himself and doesn’t take any responsibility to right the ship without creating systems that we all can understand and use as a team to play by the same rules.? All of the situations can be helped using the 11 keys to creating a great relationship.

Does it seem like Anxiety tends to follow you wherever you go?

It does, we tend to seek out familiar or what we know and understand from our families or upbringing.   So you may already have more skills than you think and know and understand friends or partners or bosses with anxiety, better than you thought. 

Our early childhood experiences shape our later relationships, romantic and otherwise.

As infants, we develop an "attachment style" that reflects how we relate to our early caregiver(s), reflected in a "secure", "anxious "anxious avoidant" or "anxious ambivalent" (either "resistant" or "passive") style.

Attachment anxiety can produce specific behaviors in the course of developing a romantic relationship: seeking closeness, seeking comfort and support ("safe haven"), seeking security to be able to explore the world.  Do you recognize your style or your partners, needy, insecure, maybe controlling with ridge rules, all these are from anxiety.  

But we tend to be drawn to a partner with similar issues, or family backgrounds in the beginning, in the “love is blind time phase”  it is the similarities, the familiar comfort

Does this ring in bells think back? And now it is 2 years into the relationship you have moved in together or have children and are married. Oh no! what do I do.

I think most people in relationships live a life of quiet desperation. Because they never learned what to do or how to have a healthy relationship.

I repeated what I learned from my parents’ relationship, marrying my junior high sweetheart, who was an alcoholic Maine fisherman and I was desperate to get out and I didn’t know how. But, I figured it out and did.

I had to spend my own money to pay for therapy for years, to get enough emotional skills, by building inner self securities that I never received from my family to get out and not make the same mistake again in my next relationship. 

If this is you, don’t blame yourself, this is all part of a grander scheme to have a healthier life for the next generation, if you are willing to look at ways to make the needed changes for yours and your children’s sake.

But, why are relationships so hard.  There are no rules books to play by and nature has a bit of trickery in it too.

When You fall in love with someone, or in lust, as my husband likes to calls it,  and you think it will always be this way, you only see rose petals, candles and hear the soft music playing in your head and the fantasized movie set of the fabulous wedding, perfect house and beautiful children. But, then, the record scratches and you wake up.   No one told you how hard this was going to be, to make this happy picture happen, you may have just thought it just happens and live happily ever after without knowing how to do it..  Then discontent and disillusionment sets in.  Is this a nasty trick?

Nature actually does trick us to fall in love, with a chemical endorphin, the same chemical that allows moms to bond with a baby, or when we see a puppy with those big eyes, it trips this chemical Oxytocin, a warm melty feeling of euphoria.

Then after about 18 months, it wears off and you see things differently.  It is like you wake up from a wonderful dream and reality sets in.  And you actually see each other’s flaws that were never an issue before.  Love is Blind when Oxytocin is involved.  It is like we are drugged for a while, long enough to make commitments or marriage arrangements, and some people,  when they wake up feel disoriented or tricked. And The blaming can start. You See your partners flaws for the first time.  You think Why didn’t I see this before?

Many times a couple will marry, with traditional vows and then realize that they haven’t discussed what each other actual want; about personal choices, like child rearing, of dividing up of chores around the house or financial responsibilities.

Many couple ASSUME, that the other person knows the way it should be, the way  “ I like things”, because their mother or father did it that way, they assume everyone understands that is way it “should” be.  Expecting things to be done the way that your parents did it, is usually a kiss of death.

You need help to change entrenched habits that you may not even see, until your partners points them out in any unsupportive way and you never learned how to fight fair and use words to express what it is you need and the downward spiral starts.  

Without clear communication to clarify expectations, couples can slowly descend into arguments, blaming and assuming.  None are very effective tools.  And nowhere does it spell out about making sure each person gets their needs met first. 

WHAT do you mean by making sure you are getting your needs met first?

How can anyone at home or at work be happy if they aren’t getting their needs met.  How can you continually give to another if your needs aren’t met first?   Like the flight attendants says, put your oxygen mask on first before you help someone else.  Since if you don’t put yourself first, you would die, without oxygen.  Same in a marriage.

This is one of the most misunderstood concepts I see working with couples as their therapist. Make sure your needs are met first, by yourself, not by the other person, before trying to please someone else.  This will start a win win situation for both.   Or make sure that there is a “2 way street” of give and take so no one feels taken for granted or taken advantage of or not heard.

And it is what I see as the #1 issue in relationship failure.  Thinking you are to give to EVERYONE else first. As mothers especially. Or that it is somehow your responsibility to make sure everyone else is happy.  You cannot make anyone happy or sad.  It is up to them. And them alone. 

And if you are with someone who expects you to make them happy.  This is a no-win situation because at some point that person will get angry and resentful or shut down and passive aggressive acting out will start.  Like affairs, avoidance, or shutting down.

Don’t give up, get help, read a relationship book, go to counseling, alone if your partner doesn’t want to.  One person in the relationship getting happy, can shift the dynamics.

Or  You could rework your unspoken contracts to make sure that you both agree that you are each responsibility for your own happiness. And roles in the relationship and the other deal breakers before it is too late.

Breaking your unwritten agreements.

Plenty of couples draw up pre-nuptial agreements but very few sign off (officially) on the things that are deal-breakers for them, such as cheating, untreated addictions, using joint funds without discussion.

It doesn’t matter what your agreements are, as long as you are both clear about, and okay with, what it means. For example, who will do the main parenting job and who takes which part the responsibilities for it or is it expected to be shared 50/50?

Here are 11 things you can do starting today to change your relationship to communicate better and build back the trust in each other,  if you practice it.

  1. Decide that you want this relationship to work. Instead of talking about how it won’t work.
  2. Be so happy when your spouse calls or texts you. And When you or they walk through the door, be soooo happy to see them. This one thing will rock their world.
  3. Treat each other like a million-dollar Stratovarius 100 year old violin. Cherished, special, no one like it. You adore each other and act that way to each other. I know, it won’t happen 100% of the time, How about 25% of the time, that would make an impact.
  4. Communicate the way you want to be communicated with. Low tone. No emotion, facts only of what you need to get your need met. Don’t let it emotions build up. If you or they do. Let them stomp off. Make a rule that you must say to the other first.  I will be back and we will work this out and name the time.  (Must be in the same day) I suggest within a few hours, once you cool down.
  5. Never believe that your mate would EVER EVER INTENTIONALLY do or say anything to hurt your or say something bad about you. Choose to not believe it.
  6. Treat each interaction like a deposit in the bank of love or as a withdrawal, according to the other person. You want you love balance to grow and be more than your withdrawals. When you take a hit you balance with stay over -0- Make sure you continually make deposits.
  7. Create win wins interacts every chance you can and every situations. A win win is when you both feel you have won something and feel satisfied and heard. https://esapros.com Once you met your needs first, you have more to give to the other person and you feel a win already and can give to the other to create a win win for both.

8.Crave out a sacred time for the two of you to be together, even if it is coffee on the porch, no kids or distractions. Just the two of you. This gives you reconnect time and time to focus on what you feel in love with in the first place.

  1. Always always always say what you appreciate about your partner at least 3 times per day, for cooking, cleaning, taking out the garbage, or taking the kids to school. And FEEL IT and MEAN it. This is transformational.
  2. Have Patience and see your partner for the sacred son or daughter of source that they are. See them like the angels see us. Perfect the way we are.  Unconditionally. No conditions of when we love them, no matter what they do. Whether they please us of not. They are with you for just the right reason. You just need to find it.
  3. Understand that there is some higher reason you are together. I believe that you made a contract in heaven to come down with a group of souls and the one that drive you the craziest are probably the ones you wanted to learn the greatest lessons from, for your advancement as an enlightened being and can learn the greatest lessons from, if we stop blaming them and appreciate what they have to give us.

Learn how to get your needs met.  Don’t’ wait until the anger and resent are seeping out, get counseling, get a book, go to a seminar or retreat and learn how to have a happy relationship, to have a happy life and the most important thing of all is to teach your children how to have solid happy relationships.

Focus on the good of your partner and what we love about each other, and we work together in our counseling sessions.

Cherish each other and appreciate each other everyday, reconstituted your contracts too figure how to negotiate to help each other get their needs met.

Don’t blame or complain, always go back to appreciating your partner or what you fell in love with to focus on, instead of the flaws and faults.

I broke the mold of abuse and poor relationships in my family with 2 successful happily (as Possible) married adult children raising 4 amazing healthy grandchildren.  I now get to observe and see the fruits of my emotional labor to change my families’ dynamics of poor relationship skills.

You can create happy relationship for a lifetime, nothing is ever perfect or as you think it “should be” with learning to accept and have patience and never blame or assume that it is anyone’s responsibility for your own happiness you can do it.

Reach out if you need counseling, this last year has been brutal on some relationships.  Grow from the pressure instead of having it weigh you down.

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if you need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911. Remember to Share the Love.

You can contact us at anxietysimplified.net or to find out more how to get an Emotional Support animal for housing or a Certified Psychiatric Service dog to go anywhere with to feel the calm.

Podcast 40: 9 Ways to get Unstuck when you Feel Hurt or Betrayed and Can’t Forgive

Hurt to Acceptance Using the Sedona Method

Podcast (Audio Only)

9 ways to get unstuck when you feel hurt, betrayal or overwhelmed.

Summary:

  1. How to Change your focus from hurt to happiness.
  2. Focus on what you want next in your life to move on
  3. Focus on a lesson learned to not repeat again.
  4. How could be better off from experiencing this?
  5. Use your Intention for the Long term instead of on the short term
  6. Don’t blame anyone or yourself- Take responsibility!

In my counseling practice I am seeing more clients feeling overwhelmed, from all the things happening this year.  Some may not have not had the emotional energy to grieve their losses.  So, we are holding on to more unhealthy feelings than we need to.  

One of my clients came to me and told me she felt that her sister had really hurt her badly over a co-friend situation and the sister choice the friend over her. There has been a rift, or strain since.  This has been 5 years now. Covid has made it feel like it was time to come back together as a family, but her sister really didn’t seem to care about coming back together.  So we will talk about ways this sister, we call her Clara, might find some relief.

9 ways to let go and get out of feeling Stuck.

-Ask-Do you REALLY want to change this situation and or ready to Repair the Relationship? or are you enjoying the blaming and pointing outside of yourself?  This is the 1st step you Must ask. If you must really want to change this situation Or you won’t. Period.  It is always Your choice.

1.Notice what you are focused on with your own thoughts in this situation without blaming the other?

Are you continual focused on how the person hurt you, revenge thoughts, hate or destructive feelings?

Or are you focused on solutions to repair, understand, willing to forgive or let go?  Only you can answer this.

This client, Clara, did decide to let go of the hurt and betrayal she was feeling but didn’t’ know she could affect this, herself. If her sister wasn’t part of it.

Sometimes in therapy, or in couples therapy, even if just one person coming to the session, can change the dynamic, because THEY let go and then they can move forward and feel better about the situation themselves  or they look at this situation differently and they make themselves feel better about it, so they act differently to the other person and It even seems to change the dynamics in the relationship, when one person feels happy and has let this go of the issue. Even if the other person never does.  

  1. Increase your focus on what it is that you actual want as the outcome, instead of what you are mad about or being RIGHT? Write down what you want to happen as a solution.

This client Clara just wants to feel better about her sister.

  1. Feel where in your body you feel this when you talk about the situation?

Sit with it for a time and feel it and let is wash over you until it is gone.  Get up walk around, shake it off and then feel it in the body again. It is amazing when we just take a moment to feel something, we can let it go.

  1. Write out what you are stuck on with the person- Are you still hating the way that person speaks about you? Write out what you feel you are stuck on and write a new ending to this story how you wish it had ended (no one will know any ways, it’s your story)
  2. Is this feeling or situation within your control to change?  If this decision IS within your control:

Do you think the situation with Clara is under her control or not? Most might say no.

Consciously choose a new way to look at the situation, maybe from their viewpoint, choose a new scenario of why this happened.

If this issue doesn’t feel within your control-Put it UNDER your control

Take your power back from whomever you gave it too.  Understand that you had to play a part- even unknowingly or even if you were too young to understand. Maybe you could not do it then, but you can take your power back now.

Take 100% responsibility and No blaming anyone or yourself for this happening and that puts it back under your control to change the outcome.

Clara didn’t feel it was within her control, but as we talked about it, she could put it under her own control, by deciding to feel happy no matter what.   Stop blaming her sister and stop writing negative things on social media about her to friends.  That can stop the progress of more hurt feelings.

  1. Let Go -Now to be freed from the effects of this issue and this person. I know it is- Simple to say- maybe not Simple to do but when you are ready to let go. You will decide too, and the way will come clearer, how to resolve it.

Many times, The other person may not even know they hurt you.  Don’t waste any more emotional energy or pain on them.  Its time to let it go.

7.Here is a simple easy method you can try right now.

The Sedona Method- developed by Virginia Lloyd- Ask these 3 questions?

  1. Could I Let go? Of course, you could let go-If you choice too.
  2. Will I let go- this is the big ask?? If not why not? If you can’t figure this out by yourself then it is therapy time to ask for help. Please reach out, we can refer you to someone of maybe you want a session with Joanne to work this out.
  3. When will I let go? Right NOW!

If the feeling returns, because they might,  just ask. Could I let go?  Would I let go? When?  Until it does.

  1. You can send vibs of happiness and joy to that person that hurt you, no one needs to know. As a blessing of happiness for yourself, because you will feeling better for doing it it. No matter what someone does to you, you can send this love. Then this is under your control and you will feel better for doing it.
  2. Choose to feel good no matter what, Show happiness about your life, that is the best revenge of all. Being happy no matter what.

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if your need it. Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911

See other podcasts at AnxietySimplified.net

Remember to use and practice the skill we shared today, to feel the Joys of life. And go to our website anxietysimplified.net for more on how to get certified for an Emotional Support or Psychiatric Service Dog today at ESApros.com   Remember to Share the Love.

Podcast 33: Dwarfism-Building A Work Environment for People with Disabilities

Dwarfism- Actor Peter Dinklage Quote about Reactions to His Stature in Public

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses with Becky Curran Kekula after 1,000 applications. 100 interviews. Four months. Three temporary positions. This may sound like the premise for this holiday season’s new comedy - but it’s not. It is, however, the real-life experience of Becky Curran Kekula, who ended up working behind the scenes in the film industry for the first part of her career.

Becky is an international motivational speaker and advocate for inclusion, who also happens to have dwarfism! She has spoken at over 300 venues such as companies, government agencies, and schools.

She serves as the Director of Disability Equality Index at Disability: IN, as the leading nonprofit resource for business disability inclusion worldwide. Working to empower hiring managers to practice rigorous self-awareness of unconscious biases and related risks in order to enable fair and equitable people decisions, learn how unconscious bias can affect the hiring process. 

Summary of today Podcast: 

  1. What would be helpful for parents to know?
  2. How can the general public increase their awareness in order to be informed of respectful behavior?
  3. What we can do and not assume in the grocery store?

Question for today is? Do you drive and where do you find your clothes? She uses pedal extensions, and she does deactivate the air bags. She goes to regular stores; she buys capris and short sleeves and at times gets alterations.

Becky joins us today.

Advocating for disability /dwarfism inclusion in the workplace. 

Dwarfism is short stature that results from a genetic or medical condition. The average adult height among people with dwarfism is 4 feet.

Becky tells her story and the challenges she faced while trying to enter the workplace. What accommodations did you need?  She worked at a talent agency for 5 years, now she works in corporate America for disability inclusion. At Disability: IN.  She is married for 1 ½ years to a person with dwarfism.  No children currently. Children are possible.

Today we discuss what Becky sees personally in the workplace and ways to Educate and inspire our listeners to actively practice self-awareness and acceptance of differences.

  1. Ways to help in the grocery store? “Ask is there something I can help you with and I’m here if you need anything?  Put it out there that you are willing to help? Don’t assume they can’t do something; everyone wants to feel empowered to take care of themselves.

Discussed a quote from Peter Dinklage an actor who has dwarfism from the Game of Thrones and reactions to his Stature in public.  But, the difference Becky feels as an advocate or voice for empowerment, where Peter Dinklage, wants his work to speak for him, not his stature.

She suggests for parents to find a specialist, Little people of America., LPAonline.org for medical or social Support. Or find a trusted nonprofit program to improve lives, “Helping with pride more than fixing the conditions.”

The verbiage some people with Dwarfism do not prefer is using the word midget,  Some find it offensive. Seeing everyone as an individual not as one specific attribute. 

Becky has a special offer to our listeners today a Virtual speech presentation.

She can be reached at:

beckymotivates@gmail.com

beckymotivates.com

Resources or References: https://ncdj.org/style-guide/

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified5.  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

See other podcasts at AnxietySimplified.net

Podcast 27: 8 Keys To Forgiveness

Christmas Story of Forgiveness and Resilience

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses How this year Christmas is more for giving forgiveness than for giving gifts.

Summary of today Podcast: 

  1. Ways to celebrate this Christmas with more love and forgiveness in your heart
  2. How stress indicates that we are not letting go and how resiliency can help
  3. 8 Tools for simply forgiving self or others
  4. Question for today is? Why should forgiveness be part of Christmas?

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses How this year Christmas can be more for Giving forgiveness and finding resiliency than other for giving gifts.

Oprah says, “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.” 

We have had a year like no other.  An election that some don’t want to let go of with authoritarian roots being exposed against our Democracy, a Pandemic that seems like it will never end.  Families with sick or dying family members, who may have just had a birthday party or wedding and never thought people might die from Covid 19 from coming to a party.

Social unrest that has thrown the blanket off a long history of persistent and ugly battering of human rights in our America.

Now we have one of the most stressful months of the year with expectation of giving gifts and being merry, with businesses dying, unemployment soaring and a supportive government nowhere to be found. Where is the hope? The joys of the Holiday Season? Can Christmas Music cheer us up?

We do have a choice to focus on all the bad that has happened this year or choose to look at ways to let go of the hurt and heartache and bounce forward into a new year with or without Covid in the rear-view mirror.

Christmas in my childhood was a complex time, happy and sad.  My family traveled 2 hours to stay with my grandparents and cousins for a traditional Christmas. My father would turn up the car radio on the way to hear the Santa report of sightings and we 4 kids would look out the station wagon windows to look for Santa’s sleigh in the sky, as we drive past the smell of crude oil from the oil fields of Oklahoma.  The Cousins played the piano and would sing carols.  There was a warm fire in the living room fireplace.  We shared and opened gifts on Christmas eve in the German Tradition and had one present from Santa to open on Christmas morning.

Sometimes all the Children would sleep on the floor of the dining room in sleeping bags and peep to see if Santa had come yet.  I remember an old saying, my grandfather would say, so that we wouldn’t get to close to the fire.  “Silly Willy curls and sashes, fell in the fire and burned to ashes, by and by the room grew chilly, but no one came to stir up Willy.”  That is such a troubling image for a child. Why would a sweet grandfather recite that saying to young children?  But that was the worry, or the fear of bad things can happen at any moment, instead of hearing reassuring and comforting thoughts, that your family will always be there for you.

We remember things very vividly from our childhood.  How are the children of this year going to remember it? Will they remember it with pleasant memories or of fear and hearing their parents fighting over an election, or financial struggles or of unity, forgiveness and finding ways to bounce back with resiliency and compassion, with their reassurance and hope.

Christmas is a tradition around the story of the birth of Jesus, the head of the Christian church and believed to be the son of God.  His last words on the cross that killed him were. “Please Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”

So, when is forgiveness the focus of His Holiday celebration? I think we are confused like Silly Willy and somehow, we fell in the fire, of remembering those last word to be sharing around forgiving. Not FOR Giving gifts.  But forgiving ourselves and each other, as the gift of the season.  This year we need it more than ever.

What are some ways to forgive from an Article the Power of Forgiving Dr. Tyler VanderWeele, co-director of the Initiative on Health, Religion, and Spirituality at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health and from Robert Enrights “8 Keys to Forgiveness”

The power of Forgiveness teaches how to overcome lingering bad feelings toward someone who did you wrong.

Almost everyone has experienced being wronged by someone. It could be a former co-worker, friend, or family member. But hanging on to those negative feelings can do great harm to Your health.

"Forgiving a person who has wronged you is never easy but dwelling on those events and reliving them over and over can fill your mind with negative thoughts and suppressed anger," says Dr. Tyler VanderWeele. "Yet, when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by the past actions of others and can finally feel free."

Learning to let go

There are two sides to forgiveness: decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness involves a conscious choice to replace ill will with good will. Replace that thought will a forgiving thought. "You no longer wish bad things to happen to that individual," says Dr. VanderWeele. "This is often quicker and easier to accomplish." Than emotional forgiveness,

For emotional forgiveness, you move away from those negative feelings and no longer dwell on the emotions of the wrongdoing. "Emotional forgiveness is much harder and takes longer, as it's common for those feelings to return on a regular basis," says Dr. VanderWeele. "This often happens when you think about the offender, or something triggers the emotional memory, or you still suffer from the adverse consequences of the action." This may need professional help, it there was trauma from this event.  Please reach out to learn some letting go skills for PTSD.  In podcast 26, I cover some of those skills.

Practicing forgiveness can have powerful health benefits. Observational studies, and even some randomized trials, suggest that when you forgive you can have lower levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility; reduced substance abuse; higher self-esteem; and greater life satisfaction. Yet, forgiving people is not always easy.

"It's not that men can't forgive, but for some it's more of a struggle," says Dr. VanderWeele. It's not clear why, but perhaps men have learned to suppress certain emotions. "It also can be difficult for men to admit to themselves that there was this great offense that still bothers them," says Dr. VanderWeele. Or if it is PTSD avoidance is one of the symptoms. So, please reach out.

Practice small acts of forgiveness

One way to get more comfortable with forgiveness is to practice small acts in everyday life, says Dr. Tyler VanderWeele.  For example, if someone is rude or cuts you off in traffic, use that moment to recognize the wrong, realize it wasn't directed at you personally, and forgive him or her on the spot. "This way you also can learn to immediately stop the negative reaction from progressing into stronger emotions that can ruin your day.

Reaching for a solutions

Here are 8 Keys to Forgiveness by Robert Enright 

When another person hurts us, it can upend our lives.

Sometimes the hurt is very deep, such as when a spouse or a parent betrays our trust, or when we are victims of crime or other traumas, or when we’ve been harshly bullied. Especially for a long time.

Anyone who has suffered a grievous hurt knows that when our inner world is badly disrupted, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything other than our turmoil or pain. When we hold on to hurt, we are emotionally and cognitively hobbled, and our relationships suffer. This is why with PTSD disorder; we need help to get out of our heads to think clearer on a emotional direction to let go or feel better.

Forgiveness is strong medicine for this. When life hits us hard, there is nothing as effective as forgiveness for healing deep wounds. I would not have spent the last 30 years of my life studying forgiveness if I were not convinced of this.

Many people have misconceptions about what forgiveness really means—and they may misunderstand it. Others may want to forgive but wonder whether or not they truly can.

Forgiveness does not necessarily come easily; but it is possible for many of us to achieve it if we have the right tools and are willing to put in the effort.

Below is an outline of the basic steps involved in following a path of forgiveness, adapted from Robert Enright’s book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness. As you listen to these steps, think about how you might adapt them to your own life.

Know what Forgiveness is and Why it Matters

Forgiveness is about goodness, about extending mercy to those who’ve harmed us, even if they don’t “deserve” it.

Does any family member come to mind this Christmas? That you could practice on?  A person that doesn’t even know that they harmed or offended you and you wouldn’t fear, hurting their feelings, trying some of the skills on them.

It is not about finding excuses for the offending person’s behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. Nor is there a quick formula you can follow. Forgiveness is a process with many steps that often proceeds in a non-linear fashion.

But it’s well worth the effort. Working on forgiveness can help us increase our self-esteem and give us a sense of inner strength and safety. It can reverse the lies that we often tell ourselves when someone has hurt us deeply—lies like, I am defeated or I’m not worthy.

Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on in life with meaning and purpose. Forgiveness matters, and we will be its primary beneficiary.

A skill you can try on That person this Christmas is to imagine, him or her with a clown nose on their face every time they speak.  It will change the emotional reaction to them and in that moment. Chose to see them differently, such as, his so pitiful, he didn’t even have the brains to hurt me.  I interpreted that situations like he meant to.  He just runs his mouth and it is all gibberish.  Or agree to next time, say something to stick up for yourself, like you don’t know what you are talking about I see it this way.  Almost saying anything, show you can for your self and you will feel better.

Studies have shown that forgiving others produces strong psychological benefits for the one who forgives. It has been shown to decrease depression, anxiety, unhealthy anger, and the symptoms of PTSD. But we don’t just forgive to help ourselves. Forgiveness can lead to psychological healing, yes; but, in its essence, it is not something about you or done for you. It is something you extend toward another person, because you recognize, over time, that it is the best response to the situation.  It is a choice.

 Become “forgivingly Fit”

Practice forgiveness, it helps if you have worked on positively changing your inner world by learning to be what I call “forgivingly fit.” Just as you would start slowly with a new physical exercise routine, it helps if you build up your forgiving heart muscles slowly, incorporating regular “workouts” into your everyday life.

You can start becoming more fit by making a commitment to do no harm—in other words, making a conscious effort not to talk disparagingly about those who’ve hurt you after the fact. You don’t have to say good things; but, if you refrain from talking negatively, it will feed the more forgiving side of your mind and heart.

You can also make a practice of recognizing that every person is unique, special, and irreplaceable. You may come to this through religious beliefs or a humanist philosophy or even through your belief in compassion. It’s important to cultivate this mindset of valuing our common humanity, so that it becomes harder to discount someone who has harmed you as unworthy.

You can show love in small ways in everyday encounters—like smiling at a harried grocery cashier or taking time to listen to a child. Giving love when it’s unnecessary helps to build the love muscle, making it easier to show compassion toward everyone.

Perhaps you can refrain from honking when someone cuts you off in traffic or hold your tongue when your spouse snaps at you and extend a hug instead.

Sometimes pride and power can weaken your efforts to forgive by making you feel entitled and inflated, so that you hang onto your resentment as a noble cause. Try to catch yourself when you are acting from that place, and choose forgiveness or mercy, instead. Forgiveness Institute website: www.internationalforgiveness.com.

Address your Inner Pain-

It’s important to figure out who has hurt you and how. This may seem obvious; but not every action that causes you suffering is unjust.

To become clearer, you can look carefully at the people in your life—your parents, siblings, peers, spouse, coworkers, children, and even yourself—and rate how much they have hurt you. Perhaps they have exercised power over you or withheld love; or maybe they have physically harmed you.

These hurts have contributed to your inner pain and need to be acknowledged. Doing this will give you an idea of who needs forgiveness in your life and provide a place to start.

There are many forms of emotional pain; but the common forms are anxiety, depression, unhealthy anger, lack of trust, self-loathing or low self-esteem, an overall negative worldview, and a lack of confidence in one’s ability to change. All of these harms can be addressed by forgiveness; so it’s important to identify the kind of pain you are suffering from and to acknowledge it. The more hurt you have incurred, the more important it is to forgive, at least for the purpose of experiencing emotional healing.

You may be able to do this accounting on your own, or you may need the help of a therapist.

However, you approach looking at your pain be sure you do it in an environment that feels safe and supportive. Please reach out to me, If needed, I can give you guidance where to find a therapist you insurance will pay for or become a client, to work on that specific stumbling block to your peace of mind.

Develop a Forgiving Mind through Empathy

Scientists have studied what happens in the brain when we think about forgiving and have discovered that, when people successfully imagine forgiving someone (in a hypothetical situation), they show increased activity in the neural circuits responsible for empathy. This tells us that empathy is connected to forgiveness and is an important step in the process.

If you examine some of the details in the life of the person who harmed you, you can often see more clearly what wounds he carries and start to develop empathy of compassion for him.

First, try to imagine him as an innocent child, needing love and support. Did he get that from the parents? Research has shown that if an infant does not receive attention and love from primary caregivers, then he will have a weak attachment, which can damage trust.

It may prevent him from ever getting close to others and set a trajectory of loneliness and conflict for the rest of his life.

You may be able to put an entire narrative together for the person who hurt you—from early child through adulthood—or just imagine it from what you know. You may be able to see her physical frailties and psychological suffering and begin to understand the common humanity that you share.

Recognizing that we all carry wounds in our hearts can help open the door to forgiveness.

Find Meaning in Your Suffering

When we suffer a great deal, it is important that we find meaning in what we have endured. Without seeing meaning, a person can lose a sense of purpose, which can lead to hopelessness and a despairing conclusion that there is no meaning to life itself.

Instead, try to see how our suffering has changed us in a positive way.

Some people begin to think about how they can use their suffering to cope, because they’ve become more resilient or brave.

 They may also realize that their suffering has altered their perspective regarding what is important in life, changing their long-range goals for themselves. Or see it as it made you the person that you are today because of it.

To find meaning is not to diminish your pain or to say, I’ll just make the best of it or All things happen for a reason.

Still, there are many ways to find meaning in our suffering. Some may choose to focus more on the beauty of the world or decide to give service to others in need. Some may find meaning by speaking their truth or by strengthening their inner resolve.

If I were to give one answer, it would be that we should use our suffering to become more loving and to pass that love onto others. Finding meaning, in and of itself, is helpful for finding direction in forgiveness.

When forgiveness is hard, call upon other strengths you have from faith to beliefs in old sayings.

Forgiveness is always hard when we are dealing with deep injustices from others. I have known people who refuse to use the word forgiveness because it just makes them so angry. That’s OK—we all have our own timelines for when we can be merciful. But if you want to forgive and are finding it hard, it might help to call upon other resources.

First remember that if you are struggling with forgiveness, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure at forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process that takes time, patience, and determination. Try not to be harsh on yourself but be gentle and foster a sense of quiet within, an inner acceptance of yourself. Try to respond to yourself as you would to someone whom you love deeply.

Surround yourself with good and wise people who support you and who have the patience to allow you time to heal in your own way. Also, practice humility—not in the sense of putting yourself down, but in realizing that we are all capable of imperfection and suffering.

Try to develop courage and patience in yourself to help you in the journey. Also, if you practice bearing small slights against you without lashing out, you give a gift to everyone—not only to the other person, but to everyone whom that person may harm in the future because of your anger. You can help end the cycle of inflicting pain on others.

If you are still finding it hard to forgive, you can choose to practice with someone who is easier to forgive. OR Alternatively, it can be better to focus on forgiving the person who is at the root of your pain—maybe a parent who was abusive, or a spouse who betrayed you. If these initial hurt impacts other parts of your life and other relationships, it may be necessary to start there.

Forgive Yourself

Most of us tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others and we struggle to love ourselves. Or continue with self-abusive statement or act or continue the abuse that the other person started.

If you are not feeling lovable because of actions you’ve taken, you may need to work on self-forgiveness and offer to yourself what you offer to others who have hurt you: a sense of inherent worth, despite your actions.

In self-forgiveness, you honor yourself as a person, even if you are imperfect. If you’ve broken your personal standards in a serious way, there is a danger of sliding into self-loathing. When this happens, you may not take good care of yourself—you might overeat or oversleep or start smoking or engage in other forms of “self-punishment.” You need to recognize this and move toward self-compassion. Soften your heart toward yourself.

Develop a forgiving heart

When we overcome suffering, we gain a more mature understanding of what it means to be humble, courageous, and loving in the world. We may be moved to create an atmosphere of forgiveness in our homes and workplaces, to help others who’ve been harmed overcome their suffering, or to protect our communities from a cycle of hatred and violence. All of these choices can lighten the heart and bring joy to one’s life.

Some people may believe that love for another who’s harmed you is not possible. But, I’ve found that many people who forgive eventually find a way to open their hearts.

This kind of transformation can create a legacy of love that will live on long after you’re gone. And be one of the greatest gifts you can give for this Holiday Season.

Happy Holidays

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified5.  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

Our next podcast: New Year’s Goals in a Brave new time

See other podcasts at AnxietySimplified.net

 

 

Podcast 25: Does Medicare Pay for an Assisted Living?

Does Medicare Pay for End of life care?

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses what she has learned, that most American DON’T know about who is paying for living situations or medical care before the end of life.  A must listen for family.

Summary of today Podcast: You are not dying yet or even close to deaths door, but you can’t walk well nor fix your own meals and fall often. Or who cares for your mother if she falls and breaks a hip and her spouse can’t care for her. What can you do and what are your choices?

  1. What can family do to help now?
  2. What are the choices for care?
  3. What does Medicare pay for and doesn’t pay for?
  4. Does Medical Insurance or Medicare pay for an assisted living facility?  
  5. How much do An Assisted Living Facility cost?
  6. Can you pay for home care at $25 per hour?
  7. Does your Medical Power of Attorney make decisions for me before my death?

Question for today is? What are the choices I have for Assisted living cost?

My 90 yr. old neighbor has the fire department come at least 1-2 times per month to pick her up off the floor.  But she refuses to leave her home.  Her son visits almost daily.  She has a caregiver daily, but the fire department and ambulances keep coming.  What are the son’s choices?

This is a very typical scenario I heard, as I worked as a medial social worker for the largest medical group in Palm Springs, CA.  This agency has worked on preventing Hospitalization, if more social services were given in the home  I believe it has worked, since I started their program 10 years ago it is still functioning today.  70 % of people turning 65 can expect to use some form of Long-term care during their live according to AARP.

I have seen every kind of home situation possible, with 2 spouses struggle to keep the other one home, while this may be killing the other spouse.  The families with children living 1000s of miles away and not caring or no able to offer any support to their parents. Even for the children that can offer support by financial assistance, it is trying.

This Podcast discusses what Medicare does pay for: What insurance pays for and what it doesn’t.  Joanne Shares information about Medicare as the Insurance when you become 65 yo.bb

10 things that Medicare does pay for

Medicare advantage and “regular Medicare insurance”. Now is open enrollment, just for the next few weeks, you can’t change insurance unless you move.

  • 1. Does pay for certain Number of days or weeks in a Nursing home. They pay only for “skilled care” or you start paying at the Average cost of $225 to a semiprivate room.
  • 2. Hospice end of life care in your home
  • 3. Palliative care, for pain relief when there are no cures
  • 4. Respite care to give the caregiver a break.
  • 5.Transportation to doctor appts. Speak to a License agent for the commercial agency that can offer any of the Medicare advantage programs.
  • 6.Medical doctor visits
  • 7.Hospital visits for a certain number of days
  • 8. May pay for Home health aid
  • 9. Home visits if you need a skilled nurse to come to change a bandage.
  • 10.Physical therapy

What Medicare Doesn’t pay for:

  • Assisted Living facility that average $4000 per month or $48K per year.
  • Doesn’t pay for unlimited stay at a rehab or Nursing home to live.
  • Doesn’t pay for caregivers in your home. They average cost of 50K per year for in home care.
  • Look at the needs for care when you look at insurance coverage you need.

Advanced directive is the most important choice you can make ahead of time to make your wishes known. See Podcast # 24 On Having the End of Life Discussion with Family.

Alzheimer’s is increasing and is a terminal decrease of cognitive functions in that 80 % of the caregiver spouse succumbs to an illness or dies before the patient with dementia.

Emotional support animals can really help with agitation from Alzheimer’s.

These are the normal scenarios that happened over and over again.  My job was to advise offer resources and choices ahead of the inevitable need for more care.

Children can help if they give $$ per month for a care giver, or day care, or a camera in the home to know what is really going on in the home.

Put alarms at Home Depot that are magnets, if the front door is opened or the bedroom door opens.

There are things you can do to help.  Get ahead of the progression.

Join the Conversation

Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified5.  Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer. 

Our next podcast: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Best Treatment

See other podcasts at AnxietySimplifed.net

Podcast 24: End of Life Discussion

End of Life Discussions with Family

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses with Maureen Kures, RN her mission is to inspire millions of families to start candid conversations about end of life wishes before death, while they can still influence decisions before needed.  Finding the right person that has the abilities needed to fight for your wishes to make sure they actually happen, since that may be required from Insurance companies or surgeons. 

The stories she shares from having personal experiences working on an oncology cancer ward, Hospice, and ICU nurse that are poignant and powerful.  They will encourage listeners to get their wishes documented and how to make sure you have the right person on your side. This kind of empowerment can be a gift for every member in the family and be the vehicle to sidestep costly conflicts before relationships are forever fractured.

Whether families engage with Maureen for facilitated family discussions or join one of her group training, one thing is certain, the end-of-life conversation will start and come to a winning conclusion.

Summary of today's Show:

Stories Maureen heard from families that are the reason Maureen started this mission to facilitate having the conversation to Start the talk now with families and choose to focus on end-of-life planning?

  1. What is Advance Care Planning and why is it important?
  2. What are the first steps people need to be aware of when it comes to planning for end-of-life?
  3. When is the best time to start this type of planning?
  4. Why is having a conversation about dying so difficult?
  5. How do you broach this topic with family members who don't want to talk about this topic?
  6. Illicit another family member to help with having the talk
  7. Besides family, who else needs to know about my end-of-life decisions?
  8. What are the qualities of life that you are unwilling to live with, if you have a life-threatening event and you are incapacitated, but alive? Have you told your Medical Power of Attorney and put it in writing?

Maureen and Joanne have a candid conversation with stories about personal family experience and Maureen patients that needed a Medical Power of Attorney and without it the family chaos that ensued.

Clear recommendations on what is needed and how to structure the conversation that saves the families relationships and make your wishes known.

Maureen offers a pathway for your End of Life conversation at www.startthetalk.com or  www.RadiantMourning.com    maureen@radiantmourning.com

Join the Conversation- Our favorite part of recording is answering your questions, from Facebook at AnxietySimplified5. Leave comments in the comment section, we will answer on a Podcast on that subject.  So, listen for your question.  Or share it with someone who may be helped with that answer.

Our next podcast: Knowing the costs and what is paid for by

Clear recommendations on what is needed and how to structure the conversation that saves the families relationships and make your wishes known.

Maureen offers a pathway for your End of Life conversation at www.startthetalk.com or  www.RadiantMourning.com    maureen@radiantmourning.com

Our next podcast: How much does an Assisted living cost and does Medicare pay for end of life care?

See Other Podcasts at Anxietysimplified.net

Podcast 23: 8 Ways to Master Patience on Thanksgiving

Patience and Resilience for Thanksgiving with or without Family

Podcast (Audio Only)

In this episode Joanne Williams, LCSW discusses the Nature of Mastering Patience, especially with Thanksgiving that might be without family at this Holiday.

Summary of today Podcast: Some things that we can do this Thanksgiving without our families getting together as we usually do. Resiliency, nurturing Patience are keys and doing some things that relieve stress.

  1. How we handle impatience comes with a high price if we don’t learn how.
  2. Are you afraid of being bored? 
  3. Patience is a choice-
  4. Turn your impatience to Good Use 

Question for today is? How can I change my impatience to being more patient?

Dr. Amad Massud from the Mayo Clinic Reports on CBS Sunday Morning on 10/25/20 says It is important to Master our Impatience for multiple reasons.

In a study it was found we are afraid of being bored so much so that 70% of participants in the study would rather receive an electric shock than be bored.

The opposite of Patience is not Impatience, it is anxiety, Illness, injury, addiction, Loneliness, and death. These are some of the high prices we pay for Impatience.  You may say that this is extreme?  Impatience creates anxiety as we wait. Loneliness with Covid isolation, because we want to get out of our houses more, it can cause Injury because of impulsiveness, road rage,  increased addiction from the stress of changes from Covid and fears of succumbing to it, increase in deaths from explosive angry, that then can Increase heart attacks by 2-8 fold for the next few hours.  This is serious.  Have you noticed how your body feels after you get really angry?  I have felt my temples pulsing and a surge of cortisol and adrenaline that almost feels like I have to “come down” from it.  I am an impatient person, so I am really practicing these things, because I didn’t realize the damage this can do.

Impatience evil twin is stress. The stress of everyday life and your reaction to what happens to you in your everyday routine can increase blood pressure and changes to your Heart Rate. Think about waiting for a plane to come in, or not knowing what is happening to some one, impatience and stress have negative effects on our emotions and our physical body.  Even For several hours after the call.

Impatience can have an effect even on our chromosomes. At the end of chromosomes are telomeres. From blood samples shows that Stress makes the telomeres smaller.  Which when we have shorter or smaller Telomeres it shows aging of the chromosomes from stress.  One thing that impatience does is increasing aging.

There are things that you can do to lower your impatience and stress. So lets talk about those:

Not having control over things on the outside can increase stress and impatience.  But, we can Choose to be patient. Helping yourself live longer, happier, look younger and helping your family also live happier life by choosing to look at ways to increase your patience.  Your life may depend on it.

Maybe your thanksgiving family gathering is at your sister’s house with her weird husband or “crazy uncle” Ed who drinks to much.  Waiting for the food to be ready, can’t watch football in your favorite room and chair, because company is using it.  Can you feel the impatience and gritting of the teeth starting and the tightening of your sphincter?  You are just trying to get through the day.

This is a test of your ability to have patience and cope when your routine messed up, can’t have your favorite chair or the of your favorite team to watch that calms you down. Well, have a few drinks as you way to cope. Which lowers your inhibitions, and you say something that is hurt, that mays everyone uncomfortable.

Or worse, you can’t go to the traditional Thanksgiving, because of Covid. You are left alone or just you and your SO and you both just sink into your own corners and are sad and lonely.

1.How about make a coping plan before the day for what you can do?

  • Create a new tradition. Something you want to do or some food that you never have because it isn’t “traditional”.  Create Something to look forward to.

How does being ungrateful and stubborn about tradition ever Bring anything good things to the Table?

  • Plan or think though what you CAN do. Take a drive to a scenic place.  Take a brisk walk in the woods with the dog.  Sit in nature for a while.
  • What would feel exciting to you. Make it happen. Think about it and plan it.
  • Enjoy doing something together with your SO that make you laugh, a new game or cooking a new recipe, just to smile and laugh, no pressure.
  • Make something romantic and soothing with music or dancing. Karaoke
  • Invite someone who makes you feel good when they are there.
  • “If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces."
    ― Shane Koyczan
  1. Resiliency can fire up your body. You don’t need to have fist fights with the corona virus, you can empower the billions of immune cells to fight with this virus and when you are resilient your immune cells are stronger in waging that war for you.
  2. Turn on your impatience to good use. If you want to. You can make a choice too. Make a decision to make yourself more relevant by learning and training ourselves about patience. Rise above impatience. Do this for yourself and your family. You will all be better off for it. Not with “white knuckles” to get through it truly find 1 thing you really can enjoy and make that bigger and fulfilling.
  3. Think about the harm that impatient does to your body. Your Increased Blood pressure and increased Heart rate and even your stress hormones. And resiliency training can lower your Blood pressure and Heart rate and cortisol level and boost you mood dramatically.

5.What is resiliency training? According to the Mayo clinic, “Resilience is your ability to adapt well and recover quickly after stress, adversity, trauma or tragedy. If you have a resilient disposition, you are better able to maintain poise and a healthy level of physical and psychological wellness in the face of life's challenges.

If you're less resilient, you're more likely to dwell on problems, feel overwhelmed, use unhealthy coping tactics to handle stress, and develop anxiety and depression.

You can develop resilience by learning to train your attention on more-positive aspects of your life. You use purposeful, trained attention to decrease negative thoughts in your mind and bring greater focus on the most meaningful aspect of an experience. It is being flexible and thoughtful to the complete experience not just what you don’t like

Resilience training focuses on four areas, including emotional, cognitive and mental, physical, and spiritual resilience. Training in these areas can improve your resiliency, enhance your quality of life, and decrease your stress and anxiety by teaching you to view life's inevitable challenges as opportunities.”

  1. There is a Japanese practice called Forest Bathing, being in the Forest allows us to be lost in the moment, where nothing exists. You can walk in a park. We respond to Nature. If you can be in Nature for just 15 minutes, it can help you master resiliency. Science is clear that just 15 minutes of walking in green space or a park lowers BP, HR and stress hormones.
  2. Even Virtually in meditation can work as well.
  3. Slowing down your life, will help for you to notice more that is around you. Give you a chance to enjoy more and appreciate what nature give us.

Rise above impatience, during this pandemic even without family for the Holiday and find ways to include family  on Zoom,  have them set a place for you anyways to be thought about and missed and have some fun with family in other ways.

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