Podcast 38: How to Groom a Psychopath

Monsters can be created, A cautionary Tale for Parent

Podcast (Audio Only)

How to create a Psychopath- Never Say NO to them, or set any boundaries on them that is the simple answer.

What is a psychopath or a narcissistic and how can we protect ourselves from them

Treatment options Question of the day is: Can a Psychopath be treated?

This is a cautionary tale for parents and society why boundaries and saying no is so important for a functioning society.

As a Mental 30-year Mental Health Provider, I have dealt with all kinds of people and family dynamics.  I would usually see this family when things are so out of control that there is no way of helping them, because the child is in charge and the parents and siblings are being held hostage to the behaviors. This is an of an out-of-control child or young adult, without any of the family members, having the skills or having built in the skills, to say no or set appropriate boundaries as a young child and this young adult has become dangerous or revengeful and then the police or someone with more authority has to be brought in.  

And unfortunately, the parents are blaming the kid, usually, instead of taking the responsibility of what was needed to happen to prevent this.  And this is how generations can perpetual anti-social behaviors, because no one learned appropriate social skills.

Boundaries of saying no, are meant to be learned at developmental milestones of behavior that start to be learned at age 2.  when children start to understand that they are separate from their parents and they test the boundaries. The “terrible twos” as you may here them is the development stage of hearing no, and the parents being together and consistent with the child until they understand this is as far as the child can go safely. 

Saying no is showing that you care enough to take the time to teach your child what it is to give and take in a relationship and know that is love.  Then again in teenage years they go through this again and hopefully, they learned at the 2 year old level and the teens will be much easier then.

I see narcissism or anti-social behaviors as not having learned, the key word here is NO, or learned, to be empathic to others.

These are the qualities of both a narcissist and a Psychopath we call anti-social personality as the clinical diagnosis not psychopath. There are certain traits associated with ASPD that you can watch for if you are in a relationship with or a boss or in your child.

Some of the more common signs of anti-social Personality DO include:

  • socially irresponsible behavior ( not having learned what responsible behavior is)
  • disregarding or violating the rights of others ( no one showing them what is a personal boundary and boundaries of others)
  • inability to distinguish between right and wrong (learning the word no)
  • difficulty with showing remorse or empathy ( learning having to care about another human or animal)
  • tendency to lie often (they have figure out how to get their needs met by manipulation)
  • manipulating and hurting others ( it works and gets the results they want and no on stops them)
  • recurring problems with the law ( this becomes the big no, our court and law enforcement)
  • general disregard towards safety and responsibility ( no one cares for me, why should I care about them or myself, truly they are hurt little children that are grown up now and left to their own devices to survive in an uncaring world)

Where if you combine these symptoms with narcissist- characterized by:

  • an inflated sense of importance
  • a deep need for excessive attention and admiration
  • lack of empathy for others
  • often having troubled relationships
  • preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (Corporate Ceo)
  • belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. (Politicians)
  • need for excessive admiration (Tv stars)
  • sense of entitlement
  • interpersonally exploitative behavior
  • envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
  • demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

What it boils down to, says licensed therapist  Rebecca Weiler, LMHC is selfishness at the (usually extreme) expense of others, plus the inability to consider others’ feelings at all. Again no one teaching them what is appropriate behaviors or caring about others, because no one cared about me. Or no one setting boundaries.

NPD, like most mental health or personality disorders, isn’t black and white. “Narcissism falls on a spectrum,” explains Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of “The Self-Aware Parent.”  With just a few symptoms presented to the full blown all-encompassing destructive symptoms.

But make no mistake, they can be dangerous, that charming way of seducing you, telling you what you want to hear and one therapist call it ‘love bombing’ you, can change quickly, if their fragile sense of themselves is hurt.   They can seek revenge and be dangerous in a relationship.   As we often see in domestic violence.   

Seek help if you are ever feeling threaten by a person you are in a relationship with, leaving can be the most dangerous time, because that narcissists may feel that you have bruised their inflated sense of importance or they feel abandoned and have no healthy coping skills to work with it out themselves, because again they never learned them from their initial family. And do look for vulnerable people to control. Once you aren’t that they usually will seek to find someone else to control or see you as an object of their, they are losing.

In January 2021 in a FB live after the insurrection on Jan. 6th at the Capital I did a FB live about these tendencies and what to watch out for.  

I believe that is what we saw these same behaviors in White supremacy at the capital.  No one was saying NO to them and a past president was supportive their abusive behaviors, in my opinion. People are intimidated by their power and control.  Just like the KKK in the south.

This is continuing right now with barbed wire around our National Capital building.  

Or in corporate American where one study found that 20 % of American CEO had Psychopathic tendencies. They seek Power and control and learned how to manipulate people and things to bend to their needs.  

What brought this up for me to write about was that I was watching some Muscovy ducks, who have multiply colored ducks the size of turkey, that have made our yard their home. A new adolescent duck flew in and tried to take dominance over the older well-established duck, that had dominance over a female duck.  The new adolescent duck come to establish his dominance,

They literally fought for 15-20 minutes on land and on water to subjugate one of them and the established older duck won. He said one no, I am the boss and this is my girl, not yours. He did remain dominant.

This young stud give in and they are all living together, after the setting of boundaries.  So nature is the example of this also.

It also made me start to even think about racism and slavery, where it started how it started, how its continued. It's about not ever being able to say no  and building a system that does say no to someone who is trying to exert their rights or be independent if they are not the right color to the ones in power, being subjugated by ones in power, or a system that is set up to subjugate and say no.  

I started to think about slaves plucked out of their own environment their home environment. Put a chains, treated like sub humans, put in, hold of a ship and thrown scraps of food and sold as things.

Demoralized completely subjugated taken out of their home away from family as a way to break them as a way to say the biggest No ever.

Bring them to a new environment you've never experienced, thrown into a new way of life, that your head must be continuing to spin, put in a system that supports that No against you.

You cannot leave, you cannot be free. you cannot exert any rights. Cannot vote,  

A system built on fear of physical violence to you.  Having a system of No for most to be subjugated for the few benefits.

What does this system sound like it is based on?  Psychopathology and narcissism to the nth degree. 

A system that is still in place today, that is showing itself to us all, but, has been for most people of color forever. 

Right now, there are 100 legislative bills that are before state governments to restrict or make it harder for minorities to vote, to never have a voice.  Can we say NO to them? Yes we can with our votes.

Is it time for this subjugation system to stop? 

According to Mary Trump, the niece of Donald Trump, wrote a book about it. The title is ‘To much and Never Enough’. Just the title explains it. No one ever said no to him and he has terrorized his family and ours.

As a Psychologist that is what she is alluding to in the Trump family that created the sociopath that we just spent the last 4 years having to deal with as a country. No one said no to him.

So, what can we do for our children or learn from this? In my counseling practice, what I witnessed was that in either direction can produce a Narcissist or a psychopath, Either, overindulging a child and never setting boundaries, or never saying no and just giving in to them and giving them anything they want, or being neglectful or emotional abandoning them or never being emotional available to them.

Without anyone loving them enough to teach them what is appropriate boundaries in relationships or what does it mean to care for another person can lead to both narcissism and anti-social personality or the creation of a psychopath.

We need to learn how to set boundaries or what is appropriate social behaviors and how to say no and mean it without abuse or threats. To be consist and follow thru on what you say and stick to it for the good of the child and family.  Seek help early from a professional, do not wait, if you school or neighbors, tell you your child is a bully.

More men than women have this diagnosis.

  • Technically, to receive an ASPD diagnosis, you have to be 18 years of age. But some people will show signs of conduct disorder, which may be an early indicator of ASPD, as early as age 11.
  • It’s a chronic condition that seems to improve with age.
  • Mortality rates are higher in people with ASPD because of their behavior.

However, Dr. Masand, clinical director or Healthy ways, counseling,  says a true ASPD diagnoses is not made until the age of 18. “For most people, the worst of the behavior occurs in the late teen years throughout the twenties,” he explains.

It will be apparent generally in grade school, the bully on the playground.

To get a proper diagnosis, a mental health professional will conduct a full mental health profile.

The mental health professional will also look at medical history. This full evaluation is a critical step since ASPD tends to show comorbidity with other mental health and addictive disorders.

Since a true ASPD diagnosis is typically delayed until the age of 18, adolescents and teens that present with similar symptoms younger with behaviors  for conduct disorder (CD) or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).

Of the two behavior disorders, CD is more severe than ODD. When determining if a child has ODDTrusted Source, clinicians will look at how they act around people they know.

Typically, someone with ODD is more likely to act oppositional or defiant around family members, teachers, or a healthcare provider. If an adolescent or teen is showing an ongoing pattern of aggression toward others and they regularly make choices that are in opposition of the rules and social norms at home, school, or with peers, a clinician may decide to get help quickly.  Especially, if a child is hurting animals or setting fires.  

Like the diagnostic process, treating someone with psychopathic traits that fall under the ASPD diagnosis can be difficult. Typically, a healthcare provider will use a combination of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and medication.

However, personality disorders cannot be treated with medication alone. Psychotherapy can help the person understand their diagnosis and how it impacts their life and their relationships with others. A therapist will also work to develop strategies that decrease the severity of the symptoms.

If medication is part of the treatment plan, a doctor might prescribe medications that treat other metal health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or symptoms of aggression.

But that's why and that's how and I say this as a cautionary tale to mothers, fathers, that NO is an important boundary. No is supposed to be used, to understand right from wrong. No is a very powerful word that needs to be used in an appropriate way to say it's not okay to do this, who has stand up, as a boundary, so that they understand how to work within social norms to the betterment of the whole, not of the individual person, or family.

As Americans, I think we have a lot to learn about the whole instead of the individual.  To include and be respectful of all people instead of subjugating certain parts of our society.

Practice using the word No with Love and with the intention of showing love. Say it without any emotion in it.  Just a simple boundary. With a simple non emotional explanation. If you need help please reach out. For all of our sakes.

This is by no means a replacement for therapy of any medical attention if you need it.  Always reach out and take care of yourself or if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, there is always someone standing by at 1800-273-8255 or call 911.

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